Pulp Adventures 7: Lucy’s Shrink Ray
Scene 1: The Riccardos’ kitchen. The table is covered with electronic components. Lucy, dressed in a labcoat, is soldering bits and pieces together. Enter Ricky:
Ricky: Lucy? I’m home.
Lucy: Ricky! How did your show go? That new maraca player working out?
Ricky: Now Lucy, I’m not giving you that maraca job. You know I don’t want you working at the club. You should be working at home like this. Doing… Doing… Lucy?
Lucy: Yes?
Ricky: Lucy, what are you doing?
Lucy: Ricky, I gave up on being in your act at the Tropicana. So I’m going to do the next best thing: I’m going to make you a new sound system. Pass me that thermionic valve.
Ricky picks up a valve, moves to hand it to Lucy, then puts it down in annoyance.
Ricky: Lucy how are you making this? You don’t know anything about engineering.
Lucy: (pointing) I learned it from an educational show on TV.
Ricky looks where Lucy is pointing.
Ricky: Where is the TV?
Lucy: I took it apart to make the sound system.
Ricky: Ah, Lucy! Look, this is nice but… (Thinks. Gets idea) It’s too big. Sound systems, they are not as big as this anymore. You need to make something smaller.
Lucy: Smaller, eh? We’ll see about that!
Scene 2: A Science supplies shop. Complex looking electronic devices are piled up on every surface. The shopkeeper is a very elderly lady.
Shopkeeper: Can I help you, miss?
Lucy: Mrs.
Shopkeeper: Misses what?
Lucy: Mrs Riccardo.
Shopkeeper: You misses Riccardo? Well, gunsights are over there.
Lucy: No my name… Never mind. I’m trying to build a sound system but it’s too big. I need to make it smaller.
Shopkeeper: Sorry Mrs Gunsight, I can’t hear you. Let me use my hearing aid.
Lucy: About time.
The Shopkeeper produces a comically large ear-trumpet and puts it to her ear.
Shopkeeper: Say again, deary?
Lucy: I said, I have some electronics I need to miniaturise.
Shopkeeper: Electronic miniaturiser? Shrink rays are out back.
Lucy: No I don’t want something like that. (beat) Or do I?
Scene 3: An abstract void.
Ricky: Lucy? Lucy! Where on Earth are you?
Lucy: Ricky, I got bad news: we’re not on Earth at all.
Ricky: How do you know?
Lucy: I got the Earth right here.
Ricky: Oh, Lucy! You shrunk the Earth! With your ray? I don’t believe it!
Lucy: Don’t be angry, Ricky, I didn’t lose it.
Ricky: Isn’t shrinking it bad enough? Let me look… Hey! What happened to Cuba?
Lucy: What?
Ricky: It’s supposed to be here, next to Florida.
Lucy looks around for the missing Cuba. Ricky notices it, stuck to the back of her shirt. He peels it off, and with a grumpy look sticks it back in the Caribbean.
Ricky: That’s better. Now Lucy, we go to do something. We can’t be the only normal sized people on a tiny little world like this.
Lucy: Maybe we could be big people on a normal sized world?
Ricky: Now that won’t help. Where did you put the shrink ray?
Lucy: Now calm down, I know exactly where I left it.
Ricky: That’s good. Where?
Lucy: (pointing at North America) Right there.
Ricky: Oh, Lucy!
Lucy: Now, wait a minute I got a magnifying glass right here.
Ricky: Why do you have that in your pocket?
Lucy: So I can see the housekeeping money you give me. Let me have a look… Aha, here it is. I must have dropped it outside of Hoboken, New Jersey.
Ricky: Can we fix it?
Lucy: If it ain’t Hoboken, don’t fix it.
Ricky: (quiet) That was a little forced.
Lucy: (quiet) The classy thing would be to not draw attention. (normal voice) Okay, I just need a fine tool and I can put the lever into reverse. That should fix things.
Ricky: Okay… (pats pockets) I got a pipe cleaner.
Lucy: Okay that’ll do. Here we go… Whoops.
Ricky: Whoops what?
Lucy: I think I just ruined Hoboken City Hall.
Ricky: How can you tell?
Lucy: Ah here it is. Full sized Earth, here we come!
Camera zooms in on Earth as it begins re-enlarging.
Scene 4: The Riccardo’s living room. Lucy and Ricky are sitting at the card table with Fred and Ethel Mertz. The Mertzes sit motionless and stiff.
Lucy: Well, we fixed everything.
Riccardo: Everything? All life on Earth was at the wrong scale to metabolise normal scale air molecules. Everyone is dead, and we are alone, spiraling into madness.
Lucy: At least we have our friends. Right, Ethel?
Lucy runs behind Ethel and manipulates her jaw.
Lucy: (speaking as Ethel) That’s right, Lucy.
Ricky: (shakes head) Oh, Lucy!
Applause, credits.
