Pulp Adventures 9: The Electric Shower
Gloria: Hi, I’m Gloria.
Marty: And I’m Marty.
Together: We’re the inventors of… the ELECTRIC SHOWER!
M: Do you every get sick of slow, inefficient water showers?
A: (enthusiastic agreement)
G: Ugh. I know I do! Always having to take ALL your clothes off. And then you get water all over the tub! It’s a nightmare!
M: And that why we invented this ELECTRIC SHOWER!
G: Let’s show them how it works, Marty!
M: I’d be glad to. But first, let me put on my protective suit.
M: Because the… the thingy is… The lawyers… No reason! Anyway, you’d better get undressed.
G: No need. With the ELECTRIC SHOWER, you can shower almost fully dressed!
M: Pipe down, you pervs! (ahem) Almost fully dressed?
G: Well, obviously you need to keep your armpits uncovered. That just stands to reason.
M: Well, obviously. So that grey ballgown will be fine. Now, we have a celebrity guest to help us with the showering.
G: (leering) Is it Nick Nolte?
M: No, it’s not… Wait, your celebrity crush is Nick Nolte? Okay, sure, takes all sorts… Where was I? Oh, no, it’s not Nick Nolte. It’s a sort of ET/Nessie looking creature.
G: Do you even know what a celebrity is?
A: (shouting in unison) STOP BICKERING, IT ISN’T FUNNY!
M: Okay, so ET/Nessie has turned on the power.
G: It feels tingly!
M: Thousands of miniature lightning bolts are electrocuting all the dirt, grime and sweat on your body.
G: (Coughing) It feels a little too tingly.
M: Don’t worry, you’re within safety limits.
A: (shouting in unison) WELL WITHIN SAFETY LIMITS?
G: (waggles hand) Somewhat within safety limits.
A: (sucking in of breath) GEEZE…
M: Wow, I can feel my skin get cleaner, even as it reddens.
Weird ET/Nessie Thing: And you don’t smell so bad anymore.
G: What the Hell are you? You give me the creeps. (Collapses)
A: (shouting in unison) WE SAW THAT COMING!
M: Shut up, or we’ll close down the buffet!
G: (Weakly) Don’t worry, folks, the ELECTRIC SHOWER also functions as a defibrillator.
G: (Very weakly) How much… would you expect to pay… (collapses again)
Weird ET/Nessie Thing: CLEAR!
M: (Removing mask to wipe off profuse sweat) …So there are a few teething difficul—
Smash cut to photo of operator.
VO: JUST THREE PAYMENTS OF $3453.58! CALL NOW! OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY!