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Did you know I knew how to play this? From which part of me did this knowledge reside? From this mind? From these hands? From this heart? And reading and speaking. Not so much things learned as things remembered. – The Monster, Mary Shelley's Frankenstein 1994

Begone! I do break my promise; never will I create another like yourself, equal in deformity and wickedness. – Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

Kenneth Branagh: Better at looking visionary than being visionary.
Kenneth Branagh: Better at looking visionary than being visionary.

Now I've been a little harsh on some of these movies. I'm about to get much harsher. A lot of horror movies are low budget jobs, and it shows, so if I'm being harsh about Teenage Frankenstein or Blackenstein it's in the knowledge that these were quickly made cheapies, put together by third-string creative people. They're not great films, but to be fair they do the best they can with what they have.

1994's Frankenstein, aka Mary Shelley's Frankenstein is a different kettle of fish. A major cinema release made by some extremely talented people (and Kenneth Branagh) it could have been good. Really, it could have been. Robert de Niro as the Monster? An inspired piece of casting! Helena Bonham Carter, Ian Holme, Cherie Lunghi, Tom Hulce, Richard Briers and John Cleese (!) are all fine actors. Hell, I'm not a fan of Branagh, I think he's a huge ham. But if there's a role that you ought to be able to get away with hamming up, surely it's Victor Frankenstein?

Directed by Branagh, the cinematography is by Roger Pratt, (who also worked on 12 Monkeys, Batman, Brazil and a bunch of Harry Potter movies). There's enough more talent in this movie than the average Oscar night. I actually started trying to add up all of the Oscars, BAFTA and Golden Globe wins and nominations of people working on this film, before getting depressed and stopping. Dozens. The answer is dozens.

And yet, the movie stinks. ...continue reading "Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein – 1994"

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This hour, when I momentarily expect my release, is the only happy one which I have enjoyed for several years. The forms of the beloved dead flit before me, and I hasten to their arms. - Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

They will never be rid of me! - Baron Victor von Frankenstein, Revenge of Frankenstein

Do you like it? I sell artisnal organs in tanks via Etsey. Keeps me out of trouble.
Do you like it? I sell artisnal organs in tanks via Etsey. Keeps me out of trouble.

The Revenge of Frankenstein is the second of the Hammer Frankenstein movies, starring Peter Cushing and directed by Terrence Fisher. It is interesting in that it contains no obvious revenge. It is followed by the Evil of Frankenstein, in which Frankenstein does seek revenge, but is not noticeably evil. Go figure. ...continue reading "Revenge of Frankenstein – 1958"

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"You must create a female for me with whom I can live in the interchange of those sympathies necessary for my being. This you alone can do, and I demand it of you as a right which you must not refuse to concede," -- Mary Shelley, Frankenstein.

"But science, like love, has her little surprises, as you shall see," -- Dr Pretorius, The Bride of Frankenstein

Ok, stop me if you've heard this one before...
There's no mansplaining like Lord Bryon's mansplaining.

Bride of Frankenstein. It’s just the best, isn’t it? I mean James Whale’s Frankenstein is awesome, but his Bride is miles ahead of it.

In the four years between Frankenstein and Bride, talkies had come a long way technically, making for a less creaky picture. Structurally, Bride is also better, leaving out the long dull interludes between the interesting bits. The actors are in great form. Karloff is at his peak, and the addition of dialogue for his Monster gives him much more to work with. Colin Clive’s Frankenstein is wonderful, alternating between pathetic self-pity and steely determination. Ernest Thesinger steals the show as the camp, malevolent Dr Pretorius. Valerie Hobson does her best with scant material as Elizabeth and Una O’Conner and E. E. Clive do memorable comic turns. But best of all is Elsa Lanchester, who does extraordinary things in a tiny amount of screen time. ...continue reading "Bride of Frankenstein – 1935"

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'The picture I present to you is peaceful and human, and you must feel that you could deny it only in the wantonness of power and cruelty.' - Mary Shelley, Frankenstein.

'Speak! You’ve got a civil tongue in your head. I know you have, because I sewed it back myself!' – Prof Frankenstein, I Was a Teenage Frankenstein.

'Are we there yet?' 'No' 'Are we there yet? 'No' 'How about now?' 'So help me, I'll turn this car around right now...'
'Are we there yet?' 'No' 'Are we there yet?
'No' 'How about now?' 'So help me, I'll turn this car around right now...'

I Was a Teenage Frankenstein is not a great movie. It was released in the same year as Hammer's Curse of Frankenstein, and it does not hold up well in comparison. It is shot on minimal sets with a tiny cast. The monster makeup is awful and the acting is second rate at best.

It does however have its moments. I’ve said before, one of the things I like most about Frankenstein as a story is that even a lot of the bad versions have something interesting to say. I Was a Teenage Frankenstein is a good example of this. Under the campy fifties B-movieness of it all is a dark little story of an abusive father and his dysfunctional family. ...continue reading "I Was a Teenage Frankenstein – 1957"

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'Remember, I am not recording the vision of a madman. The sun does not more certainly shine in the heavens than that which I now affirm is true.' - Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

'Mutilating? I removed his brain. Mutilating has nothing to do with it.' - Victor Frankenstein, The Curse of Frankenstein

'Science on, Paul!' 'Science on, Victor!'
'Science on, Paul!'
'Science on, Victor!'

There have been dozen of Frankenstein movies over the years, but so far as I know only two real movie series. The Universal series began with Frankenstein in 1931 and ending with either House of Dracula in 1945 or Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein in 1948, depending on how much of a purist you are. (My money is on Abbott and Costello, but anyway). The other series is the Hammer series, beginning with Curse of Frankenstein in 1957 and ending with Frankenstein and the Monster from Hell in 1974. ...continue reading "Curse of Frankenstein – 1957"

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'It is true, we shall be monsters, cut off from all the world; but on that account we shall be more attached to one another.' - Mary Shelley, Frankenstein.

'They must all know. Know that I, Baron von Frankenstein, master of the secret of creation, have now mastered the secret of destruction!' - Baron Boris Frankenstein, Mad Monster Party.

Mu hu hu ha ha ha!
Mu hu hu ha ha ha!

Perhaps the strangest thing about Frankenstein is that it isn’t always a horror story. Certainly my own first encounter with the Monster was as a character in children’s TV. I’d seen the Groovy Ghoulies, The Drac Pack and The Munsters long before I saw a version of Frankenstein that was actually meant to scare. How exactly did this legendary fiend become family entertainment? I’m not entirely certain, but it somehow it seems to work. ...continue reading "Mad Monster Party? – 1967"

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'To examine the causes of life, we must first have recourse to death. I became acquainted with the science of anatomy, but this was not sufficient; I must also observe the natural decay and corruption of the human body.' - Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

'Dr Stein just won the Nobel Peace Prize for solving the DNA genetic code.' - Dr Winnifred Walker, Blackenstein.

Some of the best 'standing around awkwardly' acting to come out of the 1970s.

Okay, this is going to be a bad one. You've probably already guessed why it's going to be bad. Spoiler: you're probably right. ...continue reading "Blackenstein – 1973"

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Teen Idol Magazine interviews Hollywood's newest sensation, the Giant Cyclops!


Move over James Dean! Step aside, Marlon Brando! The Giant Cyclops is the cool cat who has stolen the hearts of a generation of teenagers!

Now, sometimes actors have to work for years to become stars, and sometimes they make it big overnight. But Giant Cyclops has shot to superstardom after appearing in just one picture: The 7th Voyage of Sinbad! When producers cast Giant Cyclops, they had no idea that, within months, his picture would be posted in every teen's bedroom from Malibu to Maine!

But what is he really like? Teen Idol Magazine catches up with the legend himself... ...continue reading "One on One-Eye!"

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"From the midst of this darkness a sudden light broke in upon me—a light so brilliant and wondrous, yet so simple, that while I became dizzy with the immensity of the prospect which it illustrated." - Mary Shelley, Frankenstein.

"It's alive!" - Victor Frankenstein, Frankenstein (1931)

No, I'm fine. Why do you ask?

James Whale's Frankenstein.

It’s great isn’t it? Even after all these years, it still sets the standard for Frankenstein movies. I won’t say it’s the best, but it’s what people who make Frankenstein movies are shooting for. Even drivel like Blackenstein tries for the cinematography and I, Frankenstein tries for the pathos. They fail – oh, Lord, how they fail – but they try. If you’re making a Frankenstein movie, James Whale’s masterpiece is the mark you’re trying to hit.

It has all those classic moments, doesn’t it? The over-the-top graverobbing scene. So good! The introductory scene of the man in front of the curtain, warning the audience of the horrors to come. The graveyard, all shadows and expressionist lines is full of quiet grieving, while a twisted scientist and his assistant patiently wait to undo the solemn ritual of burial. The reanimation scene itself – still a thing of beauty after eighty years as artificial life in the form of lightning is poured into the Monster’s inert body while Colin Clive rants.

Karloff’s wonderful silent portrayal of the monster, by turns childlike and monstrous. The drowning of the little girl, cut out of the movie after the imposition of the Hayes Code and still shocking today. The torchlit pursuit of the Monster, the fight between maker and Monster, the burning of the windmill, all of these things and more have become part of our pop-culture iconography, and rightly so.

I've been diggin' in the graveyard, all the live long day

No, if there is a problem with the movie, it is not the parts you remember, it’s the parts you forget. In between the classic set-pieces, the film is exceptionally dull. Whole scenes are completely superfluous. Take the initial conversation between Elizabeth and Victor Moritz. It seems to go on forever, juat to convey the information that Henry Frankenstein is a scientist working on something spooky in a lab in an abandoned watchtower, his friends are worried about him and they are bringing in Dr Waldman to help talk sense into him, and Victor is keen on Elizabeth. They then go to Dr Waldman, who explains everything again.

Useful information -- except that Frankenstein’s need for cadavers has already been established in the graverobbing scene. That he is performing questionable experiments in an abandoned watchtower is established far more dramatically in the following scene, in which Frankenstein’s friends and Dr Waldman show up to talk sense to him. Moritz’ attraction to Elizabeth is never followed up on, and the character himself simply fades out of the story. The man in front of the curtain already told us that Frankenstein means to create life, and Frankenstein himself repeats that in the next scene. In short, we have a whole mess of plot points that are dramatically explained and then pedantically re-explained.

Other non-horror scenes are equally interminable and inexplicable. Henry’s father seems especially out of place. The scene where Baron von Frankenstein tells off the Burgomaster seem less like Mary Shelley and more like P.G. Wodehouse on an off day. It is really almost like there are two movies. Try skipping over the horror sequences and you get a film about a scientist who almost loses his girlfriend due to his work obsession, then gets her back, much to the delight of his gruff old duffer of a father.

Why yes, that is a good point.

Partly this comes from the source material, which is not Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, but a stage adaption of Frankenstein that retold the story as a sort of drawing room drama. This adaptation comes from a long tradition of Frankenstein plays dating back to very soon after the novel's original publication. Early versions meddled with the novel and later adaptations meddled with earlier adaptations, until the movies came along. After that, movie followed movie until the modern reader can experience a real 'what the hell' moment when they read Mary Shelley's original.

So apart from its sense of style, what does this version bring to the tradition? It brings a doozy: the brain. The brain changes the story completely. In Mary Shelley’s novel, the brain is insignificant. The Monster is a tabula rasa, a blank slate, capable of good or evil, but turned to wrongdoing through Frankenstein’s abandonment of him. Alone into a hostile world, the Monster is persecuted and opposed at every turn, until it becomes obsessed with revenge against its creator.

In Whale’s Frankenstein, there are echoes of this. The Monster kills Fritz, who torments him, and Waldman, who tries to kill him. Its attacks on Elizabeth and Frankenstein are portrayed as revenge on its creator. Even his most shocking killing—that of the little girl—is based on misunderstanding how the world works, rather than malice.

And yet, there is the brain. The criminal brain that Fritz has brought instead of the good brain. The Monster’s choice of victims implies something of Mary Shelley’s interpretation--wrongdoing being a case of nurture. The narrator, following a long tradition of Frankensteinian stage drama – insists that the story is essentially Judeo-Christian, implying the Monster’s sins are a result of his non-divine creation. But the brain—the brain implies that the cause of the deaths of Fritz, Waldman, and the little girl can by physically located. The brain is the location of the Creature’s identity and since it is a criminal brain, the Monster itself must behave criminally.

This naturalistic, physiological explanation for the Monster’s wrongdoing becomes the major thread that unspools from this movie throughout the history of Frankenstein in cinema. It comes up again and again in in Universal’s Frankenstein saga and is revisited in the Hammer Frankensteins. It is brilliantly parodied in Mel Brooks’ Young Frankenstein. Elsewhere it is added to–the wonderful Frankenstein: the True Story by Isherwood and Barrcoldy; Kenneth Branagh's less wonderful Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein and even the Munsters all suggest that the Monster’s identity is only partly derived from the brain, and partly from his other component pieces.

Elsewhere brain the Monster receives determines who and what the Monster is. You can make a Frankenstein movie without worrying about the brain, you just can’t call it Frankenstein if you do. You have to call your movie something else – Blade Runner, for example, or the Terminator. Your Frankenstein’s Monster must be called something else – call him Ultron or HAL or K1 or Jamie Gumm or Lore. Call him Hymie the Robot, why not.

But I’ve wandered from James Whale’s Frankenstein. My point is, this film establishes a huge amount of the cinematic iconography of Frankenstein, but also presents three different possible morals of a story of an artificial creature who turns against its creator. The materialist moral – that the creature is the sum of its parts, so defective parts equals defective creature – has become so deeply entrenched in that iconography that it is almost impossible to make a straightforward, serious Frankenstein movie without incorporating that moral.

Remember kids! There's no justice like angry mob justice!

I want to examine Frankenstein movies in this blog, whether they are called Frankenstein movies or not. We won't be looking at these films in any particular order, though I will try to keep the Universal and Hammer Frankensteins in their respective chronological orders.

I think it will thrill you. It may shock you. It may even… horrify you. So if you feel you are unable to subject your nerves to such a strain… Well… we warned you.

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