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"And that is why I am an unmitigated badass," Taipan said. "Questions?"

Jacobs sighed. He had been sighing a great deal lately. On the other hand, it was good to be alive to sigh and be annoyed by this colossal idiot.

He sat in an unusually large ventilation tube, high in a wall over a room filled six inches deep with dark water and murderous trilobites. This position was embarrassing enough with the fact that the tube was occupied by the one-eyes, bemulleted idiot who called himself Taipan.

"Yes," he said. "So you're a criminal."


"And they sent you to rescue the Prime Minister."


"Why?" ...continue reading "Trilobite Park — Chapter 20: Can Do"

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Jacobs stood with Hey Ew in the twilit corridor outside Room 807b. The floor was wet with brine that trickled out from under the door. The emergency lighting buzzed and flickered. A vending machine lay broken on the floor.

"The lights are off for, like, twenty minutes and already people are breaking into vending machines," Jacobs scowled.

"No, the vending machines were all broken into long before the emergency," Hay said. "It was just after my cafeteria opened, as a matter of fact." ...continue reading "Trilobite Park — Chapter 15: Winds of Terror"

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In Canberra, miles away from the disaster at Trilobite Park, a hood was being yanked off the head of a handcuffed man. He blinked in the sudden brightness, and sneered at his captors.

"Taipan McGillacuddie?" came a voice.

"You know, the hood was kind of uncalled for," Taipan said. "I only have one eye. You could have just moved my eyepatch over onto it, and I couldn't have seen a thing."

"You have been –"

"I mean, I guess the hood was easier to pull over my head, but it's hot. Middle of summer, yeah?"

"You have been accused –"

"I don't even want to think about how my hair looks now," Taipan continued. "I know, I'm an ex-special forces hardass turned criminal, maybe I shouldn't be worried about the hair. But my mullet is my trademark, you know? Where am I anyhow? AFP headquarters?" ...continue reading "Trilobite Park — Chapter 12: Downhill"

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