What We Do in the Shadows has to be as close to perfection as comedy/horror films ever have. It's a film with depth, heart and a metric tonne of belly laughs. And it has a point – yes, it's some comedians doing dodgy Bela Lugosi accents, but has a point. A lot of 'vampire protagonist' stories deal with the subject of loss, but Shadows manages to break your heart with loss and still deliver a happy ending.
Wellington Paranormal is not quite as perfect. It retains the brilliant deadpan humour of Shadows, but lacks the depth or pathos. The dumb cop jokes get a little repetitive, and some of the episodes aren't well paced. But you know what? None of that matters, because it is completely hilarious. ...continue reading "Wellington Paranormal – Review"
Alfred felt the smooth surface of the Watch as he wandered in the darkness. It didn't help, not even to reassure him. But he was too afraid to try to put it back in his pocket, lest it slip from his fingers and be lost in the tunnel -- if tunnel it was.
It had begun as a round, tunnel with granite walls. as the light had died, the tunnel had become square, the walls rougher. Then it had become round again, with walls clad in what felt like metal sheeting. Then the walls had become soft, with a peaty smell. Then the corridor had widened, and Alfred was almost glad he couldn't feel the walls any more.
In the silence, Alfred heard a sudden clang. He started and tried to run, but was grabbed by a strong arm, and there was cold metal at his throat.
"Who are youse?" came a voice from the darkness.
"Alfred Pilbrook," Alfred said. "Um, I hope you can see in the dark or something, because otherwise it's not very safe to have a knife…"
Suddenly there was light, bright electric light. Alfred squinted, his eyes feeling like they hadn't seen brightness in a year. When his pupils had adjusted, he looked down, to see that the implement at his throat was not a knife, as he'd imagined, but a bronze sword.
We open on pounding drums, flute music, a re-enactment of a sacrifice and Steadicam footage of Mexican pyramids.
This episode does right what it says on the tin.
So, guy machete-ing his way through the Guatemalan rainforest. He's identified as a chiclero, a guy who harvests sap from the chicle tree to make chewing gum. Actually, that sounds kind of badass. Could we have a documentary about these guys? No, we're just told that 'often' they're the people who found Mayan ruins in the jungle.
Lovely footage of the Mayan pyramids, which Nimoy call 'the most awesome works of antiquity' which is pretty true. There's some very interesting stuff on the Pyramid of Chalule which, in terms of volume, is the largest building on Earth. It was build by building pyramids on top of earlier pyramids until they had a super pyramid.
We move onto excavations of an Aztec pyramid in Mexico city. Some shots of a model of Tenochtitlan, nice. And then Nimoy, in a white shirt and bellbottoms standing… somewhere outdoors? Which I guess is meant to be Mexico. He taps the side of an Earth mound and calls it a pyramid, but let's be honest, they didn't ship the guy down to Guatemala for a one minute link. Anyway, he talks about how the Conquistadors thought that the Mesoamerican pyramids were tombs, and wondered who was buried there.
Moore footage of the pyramids, noting that there's a temple at the top of each one. He wonders why these temples required such massive bases. We'll come back to this.
We're looking in detail at Teotiuacan. He notes that the local pyramids are smaller than the Egyptian pyramids, and states that it's not possible to know if the builders of Teotiuacan had dealings with the Egyptians. And, of course, this was where it had to be going.
Some stuff in a tunnel under Teotiuacan that leads to a natural cavern, so maybe there are chambers in the pyramid above? Some very pretty footage of the sun rising over the pyramid and suggestion that it was used for timekeeping. And then we're into the end of Teotiuacan. The narration proclaims that 'no other great city left so few traces of its demise' while the camera is pointed at a bloody big pyramid – which is a pretty massive trace of a city's demise, if you ask me. After that, the narration builds up how little we know about the city. Which is probably better than its usual job of trying to impose strange solutions on mysteries.
Now we get to the pure speculation. Nimoy just asks a bunch of questions about what the ancient Mayans were all about, while the camera looks around. Then suddenly wer'e not asking questions about the Aztecs, we're asking about the Maya. They had observatories, you know. They had a calendar.
This part isn't terrible, it's just that they're flipping from topic to topic very fast. In a serious documentaty about Mesoamerican cultures, we'd give a little more space to examine each issue. Anyway, it concludes with the question that if the Mayans were so in death, then why no tombs?
Anywhy, this one archaeologist did find some bodies under a pyramid? Okay, looking it up… Yep! He did indeed find the tomb of the Mayan ruler Pakal. We go into this in quite a lot of detail, and it's probably the most interesting part of the episode. Generally, my understanding is that Mesoamerican pyramids were not generally used as resting places. The interview with the archaeologist, Dr Ruz, is fascinating.
Next stuff about sacrifice, which is sweet. We talk to Dr Ruz again. He talks about how sacrifices took place at the top of pyramids. Nimoy tells us about the Aztec 'skull rack' which is exactly what it sounds like.
After the talk about the sacrifice, we wonder how such an advanced people could be so into bloodshed, which is… yeah, look… Anyway, we have a quick chat about modern Mayan people, then Nimoy's narration really starts building up just how awe-inspiring Mayan cities must have looked when they were inhabited, and Dr Ruz discusses how the Mayan ruling class deliberately used the pyramids to provoke awe and obedience in their people.
More footage of pyramids… Okay, I may have been wrong earlier when I thought it was going to be about the Mexican/Egyptian pyramid 'connection'. We just go straight into the collapse of the Mayan empire. The narration is beautiful and the footage is nice. I really have no complaints here.
In fact, other than the skipping between topics, the brief talk of Egypt and a bit of patronage, it's not bad. It's not a great documentary about Mesoamerican pyramids, but it's not a bad one for it's era and running time.
Nimoy: Pyramids were stairways to heaven – the ultimate in spiritual technology.
“I just wish you’d told me how unhappy you were with the Anthropocene age,” Fanaka said. “You know, before you tried to kill all humans.”
“And if I had told you, vat difference vould it have made?” Nalda said.
“I suppose that is a fair point,” Fanaka grimaced.
They say on a bench outside of the music shop. Or rather, they sat on half of the bench, since the other half was blocked by a bicycle that some thoughtless soul had chained there, instead of in the bike rack just ten metres away.
“It’s a fair point if we’re talking about outcomes,” Fanaka added. “But I’m not. I’m talking about communication. I’m talking about honesty.”
On the side of the Pyramid, Delia held Erik in place as the Bubble absorbed him, or tried to absorb him. It bubbled and howled as it engulfed the little old man. It blackened like a marshmallow in a fire, but it wasn't hot to Delia's touch. Alfred was panicking but, to his credit, his panic took the form of grabbing Erik's hand and trying to pull him out, rather than just flapping his arms.
"What have you done, Delia! What have you done?" he cried.
The Bubble/Erik/Marshmallow thing stopped struggling and was still. It seemed to shrink into itself before Delia's eyes, becoming more humanlike in stance and shape.
Fanaka didn't quite know what he expected to see in the future world tyranised by evil AIs, but it wasn't this. It wasn't this darkened room with its great mirror ball. It wasn't these people in platform shoes and bell-bottom pants, drinking pina coladas and doing the hustle. And it certainly wasn't the music, the weird yet compelling music…
"Hot Chocolate," Axel said.
Glancing down, Fanaka saw that he was holding a drink. He sniffed it. "No, I think it's a Harvey Wallbanger."
"The band, man," Jemmy said. Had Fanaka intended to bring Jemmy along? Oh, well, he was here now. "Hot Chocolate is the band that's playing. You Sexy Thing."
"You Sexy Thing being the name of the song," Axel added.