Frankenstein Island – 1981

Frankenstein Island… Okay… Uh…

Yeah, what's up with that?
Yeah, what's up with that?

Synopsis! Yeah, maybe start with a synopsis. Ok, the balloonists from Mysterious Island land on the Island of Dr Moreau where they're met by Tarzan and the Leopard Women. Then they meet Sheila Frankenstein and her husband Dr van Helsing, who was the assistant of Dr Frankenstein, because WHAT?

This plastic Halloween devil pitchfork is actually supposed to be a high tech superweapon. No, really.
This plastic Halloween devil pitchfork is actually supposed to be a high tech superweapon. No, really.

Some truly pointless things happen. A guy in an eyepatch laughs a  lot, some generic henchmen have unconvincing fights. The usual. Some blather about extraterrestrials and weridly defined 'power', good, good. The Frankenstein Monster comes back to life and, true to form, knocks some stuff over. Then the 'heros' escape and call in the military. The military arrives on the island, and finds no evidence that anything ever happened there, the end.

The US Military: believing nothing since 1776.
The US Military: believing nothing since 1776.

Basically, Sheila Frankenstein is keeping her husband alive with something something SCIENCE! Her minions also seem to kidnap people for experiments, stealing their blood to keep her husband alive. Frankenstein has somehow transcended this plane to become the floating head of John Carradine. The Monster and Sheila's generic minions seem to be powered by van Helsing's spare brain, which is totally a thing. There's a lot of rambling about energy. The leopard women are claimed to be part alien. The lab has a cardboard sign on the lab wall graphing 'BRAIN WAVE SYNC.' There's a weird subplot about one of Sheila's prisoners turning out to be the father of one of the Leopard bikini women. And then it turns out that none of it really happened.

So there was that.
So there was that.

This is a blog in which I review movies. Usually. I honestly don't think Frankenstein Island can be regarded as a movie. It's really more of a crazy fever dream thinly, disguised as a movie. But if it's a dream, whose dream is it? Clearly, it's the dream of someone who watched a bunch of old timey horror movies and episodes of In Search Of, and then ate a huge amount of cheese just before bedtime.

In conclusion, I can only assume that I dreamed this.

So, firstly: sorry. I'm really sorry that I dreamed this movie into existence. Secondly: what does this movie say about me?

Other than that I pad my dreams out with long sequences of people walking through caves.
Other than that I pad my dreams out with long sequences of people walking through caves.

I'm no expert in the study of dreams. But I do have the Internet, the non-expert's best friend since 1066 (source: Wikipedia). By using the dreammoods.com dream dictionary, I will use Frankenstein Island as a key to unlocking the mysteries of my own soul.

With the aid of all the science at Frankenstein Island's disposal.
With the aid of all the science at Frankenstein Island's disposal.

Firstly, the balloon motif. Balloons suggest escape, and yet these balloons are crashing down. This would seem to imply that I feel trapped. I can't seem to interpret the meaning of the pilots of the balloons, since the dream dictionary doesn't seem to include an entry on 'bunch of annoying jerks'. I'll have to come back to them.

The leopard-bikini women are a mystery too. The bikini suggest that I fear being exposed, while the leopard supposedly means that I will overcome difficulties. Clearly, I will overcome my fear of exposure--presumably by means of finding a pair of goddamn pants. The weird looking goons represent my refusal to address my feelings directly which sounds like a bunch of nonsense I am so not in denial I am NOT!

No, it's not a Woodstock reenactment. It's a horror movie!
No, it's not a Woodstock reenactment. It's a horror movie!

Sheila's lab coat indicates a desire to cover things up, viz, my pantslessness. Both the leopard women and Sheila Frankenstein are women, representing nurturing, caring and love.

Pictured on the left: my warm nurturing side. On the right: my drunken uncle side.
Pictured on the left: my warm nurturing side. On the right: my drunken uncle side.

Van Helsing is a man, and to see a man in a dream connects to the aspect of myself that is "assertive, rational, aggressive and/or competitive. And van Helsing is an old man dying in a bed surrounded by idiots… Actually, let's skip van Helsing.

You're at Death's Door, but don't worry, we'll pull you through. (Joke © 1957, Carry On Productions)
You're at death's door. But don't worry, we'll pull you through. (Joke © 1957, Carry On Productions)

An eyepatch indicates one-sided thinking, but the guy with the eyepatch is laughing which suggests that I need to lighten up. Clearly, I'm far too uptight about my deep and horrible biases. I should look on the upside of them!

To dream of Frankenstein's monster is to be concerned with being an outsider, but I guess not in a cool Marlon-Brando-in-The-Wild-One sort of outsider, more of a Frankenstein's Monster sort of an outsider. The Monster, then, basically symbolises itself. When it walks into a middle of a fight in progress and all the combatants basically ignore it, this simply deepens its outsider nature. Again, not in a cool, leather jackety 'what have you got?' sort of way. Cannot stress that enough.

Raagh! Me SMASH tray of unbreakable plasticware that is easy to reset between takes!
Raagh! Me SMASH tray of unbreakable plasticware that is easy to reset between takes!

Women in leopardskin bikinis operating a machine-gun. Oddly, even Freud himself didn't have much to say on this, his only notes being far too shaky to read.

Symbolism not found.
Symbolism not found.

The floating ghostly head of John Carridine. Surprisingly, Freud had a lot to say about this. "Der Geistenkopf des Jan Carridine," he wrote, "ist ein symbol von schlechte Deutschen spreche. Der Mann wer das Geistenkopf des Jan Carridine geseht kannst nicht die konjegation gemacht." This theory has been disputed in recent years, and other sourced claim that a ghost symbolises something that is no longer obtainable – but what is it that cannot be obtained, here? The 'power' that Carridine is constantly yelling about? Or the long-dead screen legend himself?

It had better be the powet, buddy.
It had better be the powet, buddy.

Finally the brain. Seeing a brain in a dream suggests that I am under intellectual stress, which readers of my blog will know is almost never true. Perhaps this is the meaning of the additional, backup brain?

And then this happened.
And then this happened.

In conclusion, I am an (uncool) outsider who is not under intellectual stress but whose (deeply biased) rational side is dying. It is kept alive by my emotional side, represented both by a creepy old woman in a labcoat and all the tormented people she kills to sustain my existence. I feel both exposed and protected and surrounded by people whose help I need but who seem like idiots to me.

In short, sir, I am a blogger. Good day to you!

Pictured: me uploading my posts onto an advanced computer.
Pictured: me uploading my posts onto an advanced computer.
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